back to life...

I'm back in Singapore. somehow I feel glad/happy to be back here. I feel that my life is here now. When I'm back in Brunei, I felt lost, as if I had nothing to do. Though I'm very happy just to spend time with my family. That time spent is always well appreciated. Brunei is a boring place, a place where just spending time there will dull the mind and in many cases have blunt the wits' of many of its occupants. They're just obsessed with mindless materialism without a thought for greater things/purpose in life. A good example of that would be the mindless rounds that cars filled with an obscene amount of decibels make their way round and round shopping centres and cafes just blasting their 'noise' with no aim other than to show-off how hard their electrified magnets can vibrate. And when they have enough of making their rounds, they park together and continue their mindless vibrations. I can just go on and on about how sad life is there but I'm just glad my brothers have all left the nest and move on to possibly better things. And I can breathe a sigh of relief when my parents finally make their migration home. Time to start revving up the brain for work tomorrow. Time to continue the Walk. God bless.

Changes...

Whether we like it or not, change is a constant in our lives. One of the changes I've noticed in myself is that I've quit smoking and reduced my drinking. I didn't really know what brought about these changes at first but when I thought about it (as I usually do, curse or blessing I dunno), I came up with the conclusion that it was brought about by my acceptance of Jesus as my Lord and Saviour.

Simple really. I only smoked and drank because I was trying to forgot/drown out my problems, my pains, my burdens, my troubles. Now that I have Him I no longer need to rely on those things, though it's a chain effect in a way, one change affecting another change. All for the better. Now that I've managed to come out of my old shell, I need to learn to take charge of this metamorphosis so that the Journey will be a carefully planned and fruitful one. For a journey without a plan is almost inevitably doom to failure.

Even in our plan to succeed, we must also plan for failure because our plans may not be His plans for us and He will reveal His plan for us in due time, in His time, not ours. Learning to comprehend and accept all these has allowed me to slowly and surely move on in a more positive direction. About initiating change and coming out of my comfort zone to do more positive things with my life and to grow in Him and serve Him with all my heart and mind. And as I reflect on these changes happening in my life, I'm beginning to like what I see. The better half of me being revealed in His glory. Oh well, the story is just in its infancy. Time will only reveal where this Journey will lead me once again. Will the tides of change lead me to foreign lands or foreign worlds? Go figure...


*p.s. Happy Lunar New Year to all and wishing you all a blessed time of celebration with family and friends. God bless*

The life of an auditor...

This post is about the life of an auditor.
.
..
...
..
.
The End.


*ie, auditors have no life*

10 signs u love someone...

TEN:
You feel shy whenever they're around.



NINE:
You smile when you hear their voice.



EIGHT:
When you look at them, you can't see
the other people around you, you just
see him/her.


SIX:
They're all you think about.



FIVE:
You realize you're always smiling when
you're looking at them, even if its
only their pictures.



FOUR:
You would do anything for them, just
to see them.



THREE:
While reading this, there was one
person on your mind this whole time.



TWO:
You were so busy thinking about that
person, you didn't notice number seven
was missing


ONE:
You just scrolled up to check & are
now silently laughing at yourself.

perfect wedding song...

Babyface - Every Time I Close My Eyes Lyrics



Girl, it's been a long, long time comin'
But I, I know that it's been worth the wait
It feels like springtime in winter
It feels like Christmas in June
It feels like heaven has opened up
its gates for me and you

1-And every time I close my eyes
I thank the Lord that I've got you
And you've got me too
And every time I think of it
I pinch myself 'cause I don't believe it's true
That someone like you loves me too, yeah

Girl, I think that you're truly somethin'
Yes, you are, and you're every bit of a dream come true
With you baby, it never rains and it's no wonder
The sun always shines when I'm near you
It's just a blessing that I have found somebody like you
(repeat 1)

To think of all the nights I've cried myself to sleep
You really oughta know how much you mean to me
It's only right that you be in my life
Right here with me, oh baby, baby
(rpt 1)

Spiritual Warfare

Ever since I was a child, I always had deep thoughts, thoughts which scare me even to this day. One recurring thought that I always had was about death. I think it's a question we all ponder at one point of our lives or another. The question is: Where do we go after death? The ever impending-yet-unsatisfactorily answered question. Yes, we all know that your body die and decompose but what happens to the soul/spirit? Where does this person with this personality go? Does it just disappear? So what's the point of living? We might as well just die. It's this fearful thought that keeps me awake on some nights and create this cold, dark depressing fear that envelops you from within. It's not a nice feeling.

Last week as I was watching a movie on my laptop, 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer, and suddenly I just felt that cold dark fear from within me. I felt cold and weak all of a sudden and more so fearful, a deep-penetrating fear. I felt truly scared at that point of time and I just closed my laptop and said a prayer to God and asked Him for strength and an answer. I opened the Bible and I was given the answer in Mark 14-15. Despite this fear I have of death, I think I have salvation in the form of Jesus dying for us on the cross and saving us all. It's a simple answer yet it strikes at the heart of the fear. Yes we are humans and we have fears and emotions but we should all look to God and thank Him for sending us His Son to save our souls. Amen. AMEN!

Little Is Much When God Is In It... {John 6:1-15}

Today was Sunday and I went to church to listen to what good news God had for me today. The title of today’s sermon was ‘Little is much when God is in it’. It’s such a simple message yet so powerful at the same time. Such is the power of God’s words. The main verse for the sermon was John 6 : 1-15 which is basically about the feeding of 5000 men by Jesus with five loaves and two fishes, given by an unnamed boy. I think part of the reason why this boy is unnamed is because this boy represents who we potentially can be, as opposed to who we are now, like Philip and Andrew.

Little is much when God is in it. It reminds us again of how little we have, something we’re all so aware of but time and time again we seek to get more but not through God but through our own mortal means. It goes back to why probably many ‘successful’ men can have so much in their lives yet at the same time feels so empty, because the thing that they should be seeking is God. This reminds me of the pondering from Day 12 (Fri, 14^th Dec) of the AG4 21-Day Fasting & Praying Guide.

“The world honors those who are intelligent, beautiful, rich and powerful. Yet many a time, in the kingdom of God, God does otherwise to use the foolish and shame the wise, simple because He sees the hearts.”

He sees the heart. We may have little but when we give what little we have and give thanks to Him, we shall reap in abundance. Pastor Jeff was saying that we will ALWAYS have problems. There will be problems to which we have limited resources to solve and problems that have overwhelming needs, but these circumstances are understandable, for we have little and there is always a problem beyond us BUT not beyond God. So we should learn to look to Jesus instead to solve us problems just like how we went to Him for Salvation. James 1:5 states that “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.” He will provide when we ask. He will provide with what we need, not what we want.

The service ended of with a POWERFUL rendition of Corrinne May’s Five Loaves And Two Fishes. And by powerful I don’t just mean the voice of the singer, but I also felt the power of God speaking through those words, to my heart, and probably to many more too. There was probably a good reason why they dimmed the lights for the song. Pure beauty, pure joy… What an ending befitting of God’s awesome power. Simple yet so powerful.

I think as Christmas approaches, we should all renew our faith and offer to Him what little we have and give thanks for that little we have. Amen. Amen...

*you think you've read the story five loaves and two fishes but everytime you read it, there's just so much more to learn from it. Arsenal 1 - 0 Chelsea. Praise the Lord.*

Repentance...

*i've traveled on many journeys with you, just not the journey to heaven and for that i regret ~ JC*

I started going to church about a month back or so. This is the first time I've been to church voluntarily. I guess it was just a search for more profound answers, a search which lead to God. I guess this search gets more pronounced when you start working where you start questioning your purpose in life and the whole meaning to it. And when you go to church and see the people in it and how God touched their life and somehow even though they come from different backgrounds and different walks of life, you can see the hands of God moving in them. They just live with a zest for life, moving with a purpose, a purpose with God.

When I accepted Jesus in my life last sunday, I didn't felt the over joyous feeling described by some people. Instead I felt this wash of inner calm flow over me, a feeling of peace and silent joy, as if a storm calmed by God's hands. Till today that thought still puts a smile on my face whenever I think about it. I think that storm was all the burdens of life which I was carrying all this while and now that He is by my side, He has lifted that burden from my shoulders and set me free. This is of course followed by many thoughts and feelings to which is too overwhelming to describe. But most of all I thank all who have share their lives with me, how they came to meet God and how it changed their lives. This is just the beginning of a long journey, a journey of ups and downs. The only difference from before is that now I have Him by my side. God bless...

If only...

Choices

Our lives are dictated by the choices and decisions we make. Every choice, small or big, we make will have repercussions, whether now or in the future. That is why it is important to isolate each and every moment we live in and see each moment for what it really is, that moment. We must detach any emotions or feelings we might have for that moment and look at it for that moment itself and see it without bias. It sounds easier than it seems but by doing this, we make a choice based on that moment itself without bias and by doing so, the ultimate best end result can be achieved. We achieve self-realisation. For further thoughts, go watch the movie, The Drummer.

On another note of making choices, not doing anything is also making a choice. You have made a choice not to do anything. Hence not doing anything about your current situation does not mean you're better off. A good illustration would be someone who's contented with his life or just can't be bothered to advance when he/she could be doing something better. Someone who has a reasonable job which allows him/her to work from 9-5 and pays an average salary. He/she on the other hand could go for more training, as it's so thoroughly emphasized by the Singapore government, and advance further in his/her career and take on more responsibilities and achieve something better for himself/herself. There are many cases of people who have just completed secondary education but have went on to take courses to better themselves and hence their respective companies have recognised this initiative to learn and better themselves and promoted them. Ultimately, it's up to YOU. There are both sides of the argument as always but it boils down to one thing.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

Hence the CHOICE of doing something about it or not doing anything about it. What do you want out of life ladies and gentlemen?

*a nice way to distract myself from studying for my exam and offloading my thoughts...

MOS Trance Event: The Nightmare before Halloween

Feat. TRANSMISSION with PAUL JOHNSON (UK)

www.ministryofsound.com.sg/halloween

Twas’ the night before Halloween
When He awoke from slumber’s keep
For only this one night a year
He was free with fellow ghouls to creep
Drowsy from days gone past
His crave for Music was rightly just
So He dons this fur of white
To keep the Pumpkin away from sight
And thus begins this search to quench
His need for Trance and yearning for Dance

And now we invite you to join us at this fearsome scene
At The Ministry of Sound’s Nightmare before Halloween

Celebrating only the credible Trance music producers from the past to present day, Paul Johnson (UK) will take you on an uplifting trip as he brings you on a melodic journey with killer riffs and epic anthems in the main arena.

Embrace the sound that is fronted by the likes of Armin van Buuren, Above & Beyond, Paul van Dyk, Ferry Corsten and Tiësto - who are among last year's top 20 DJs.

Transmission isn't just another night, it is a gearshift to take you higher.

ALL IN FULL HALLOWEEN COSTUME ENTER FOR FREE!

Cover charges on 27 OCTOBER :
Before 10.30pm - $15 for men and $12 for ladies (both covers include 1 drink) and
After 10.30pm - $25 for men and $20 for ladies (both covers include 2 drinks)

Happiness...

Happiness is a butterfly which when pursued,
is always just beyond your grasp,
but which,
if you will sit down quietly,
may alight upon you.

The Forsaken by William Wordsworth

The peace which other seek they find;
The heaviest storms not longest last;
Heaven grants even to the guiltiest mind
An amnesty for what is past;
When will my sentence be reversed?
I only pray to know the worst;
And wish as if my heart would burst.

O weary struggle! silent year
Tell seemingly no doubtful tale;
And yet they leave it short, and fear
And hopes are strong and will prevail.
My calmest faith escapes not pain;
And, feeling that the hope in vain,
I think that she will come again.

to quit or not to quit...

went to see those nicotine patch thingy today. costs like $35 per box which lasts for 7 days. but they're having promotion with $55 for 2 boxes which means 1 month will cost about $110. that's about how how i spend on cigarettes in a month anyway. so the question now is to quit or not to quit? it's like giving up on a very dependable old friend, one which has always been there for me, one that calms me down regardless time or day. only time will tell...

Suicidal tendencies...

I'm sure many people have, at one point of time or another, thought of committing suicide. That thought comes when you reach a certain point in your life where all seems lost and there's no hope other than to end life itself. Some people however have not been through this feeling as their lives are all rosy and dandy. For those of us who have been through this feeling however, it seems that the only way to solve our problems is to end life itself. The problem we face seem so unsolvable that the only way to 'solve' it is to 'cure' it once and for all. It's a somewhat liberating feeling to know that you're finally ending that problem. However most problems aren't that extreme to the extent that you would actually 'cure' it as it takes a lot of courage to actually go through with the act itself. Therefore there are times when you wish someone would do it for you. And there are many a times when I actually wish something or someone would actually do it on my behalf. For eg. when crossing the road, I wished some raving drunkard would come throttling along in his car and hit the shit out of me. Or when I was in Genting riding the amusement rides, that it would fall and crash hurtling to the ground below and smash into a million pieces, bringing me along to my maker. Or when the train or bus I'm riding on would explode into smithereens through the will of some terrorist. Who knows... Somehow, somewhere I wish someone/something... would take the will to live out of me, to end me of my misery... Only God knows...

What Lips My Lips Have Kissed...

What lips my lips have kissed, and where, and why,
I have forgotten, and what arms have lain
Under my head till morning; but the rain
Is full of ghosts tonight, that tap and sigh
Upon the glass and listen for reply,
And in my heart there stirs a quiet pain
For unremembered lads that not again
Will turn to me at midnight with a cry.
Thus in winter stands the lonely tree,
Nor knows what birds have vanished one by one,
Yet knows its boughs more silent than before:
I cannot say what loves have come and gone,
I only know that summer sang in me
A little while, that in me sings no more.

Bitterness

Stephen Crane

In the Desert

In the desert
I saw a creature, naked, bestial,
Who, squatting upon the ground,
Held his heart in his hands,
And ate of it.
I said, "Is it good, friend?"
"It is bitter – bitter", he answered,
"But I like it
Because it is bitter,
And because it is my heart."

night owl...

It's 4.45am in the morning and I'm still in the office. On top of that it's a Saturday night. I've finished what I needed to do about an hour ago. However I'm too cheapskate to take a cab home alone so I'm waiting on another colleague to finish up so that we can share the cab. Listening to songs on my laptop whilst surfing around on super fast internet. Too bad nobody to call at this ungodly hour if not that would have been another thing to do. Probably by now most people would be on the way home after a heavy night of partying. On the other hand I'm typing this blog with my brain half-dead and not necessarily looking forward to the 9-5pm CPA workshop I have tomorrow. After that I would be catching Evan Almighty at the cinemas with a group of friends. A relatively nice and relaxing way to enjoy the Sunday except that I'm afraid I might not have the energy to enjoy it. Haha.

I'm so looking forward to moving out of my current place and into my new place on 1st October. It's not just the addition of the aircon but also the much suited (to me) living environment. Living with people with whom you can relate to is much better than living in a somewhat gilded bird cage, whereby it may look cheap and good but it's not all it's hyped up to be. I used to say, Why pay for things which you can get for free? Then I told that to a colleague one day and he replied, But what you get for free may not always be good. You pay peanuts, you get monkeys. Not sure how that's related but it's true. A lot of the times in life, you pay more you get better stuff. It's a luxury not all can afford but if you can then it's better. For example, you buy a Mercedes, it's resale value later on is much higher than let's say a Toyota. No doubt you're paying more for the Merc now but hey it's more comfortable and it'll last you longer. This is of course typical for an accountant to think this way, in terms of depreciation. But like I mentioned before, not everyone can afford a Merc so at some point of time we realise that we have to live within our means. What you're willing to pay and what you'll get for it. Despite this I think we should all try to live life to the max. Push ourselves harder and farther. Work hard and play hard. Try things we've never tried before, do things we've never done before and go where we've never been before. Life outside our comfort zone. C'est la vie...

Man's best friend

May I introduce to man's best friend. For a small price only, it gets you well and high. And for this special offer only, the time you spend having it, all your problems will slowly ebb away into the night. Why does fate tempt me yet leave me empty? The emptiness I feel inside is echoing away into my heart and reverberating into more emptiness. I feel so alive at times yet at times I feel as if I'm nothing. NOTHING!!! Sometimes I feel we're just merely toys of God, him fooling around with us as He wish. Just like Sim City. We're just being fucked around like mere mortals in Sim City sending us quakes, hurricanes, typhoons, tsunamis and what have you. And on a smaller scale, we get dealt shitty cards in life. It's a lousy hand in poker and unfortunately this streak of lousy hands doesn't end.

On another note, a game of bridge is like sex, if you haven't got a good partner, just hope that you've got a good hand.

Well boys and girls as life and fate is screwing with us, the only and best way to escape all this bullshit is through our dear best friend above and only for RM10 for 3 cans, it's a fucking steal. Get it while it lasts because the damn 'gahmen' is going to increase the sin tax....

Assumption

I assume a lot of things. Not because I'm too lazy to think about something, therefore I assume but rather because I've thought a lot about it and therefore have come to a reasonable conclusion/assumption. There is no concrete evidence but the circumstances surrounding it becomes, not obvious but just plainly pointing to one conclusion. Oh well we'll just have to see whether my assumption is true or not... A very tiring Friday night/Saturday morning post@2am. Have to wake up early to play football at 10am tomorrow some more. Oh well living life on adrenaline is fun.

What's wrong with me?

*A write-up of my recent unit trip to Tioman can be read at Tioman unit trip*


What's wrong with me nowadays?
Some days I feel so moody
Some days I feel so cranky
Yet some days I feel totally fine and on top of the world
And it's not just limited to days
It could just be a matter of a few hours

There's a change going on inside of me
Yet I do not know what's going on
I just feel that somehow I'm different
For better or for worse, I must accept
the change going on inside of me
And learn to deal and cope with it
To make me a stronger and better person

Some days I feel that the burden of the world
is on my shoulders
Some days I feel so carefree and uninhibited
When the tide of darkness rolls in
I feel that I'm a more sinister person
Even the nicest of person that cross my path
Can expect to suffer the wrath of my vileness

On nicer days even my most hated ones
Can expect a nice nod and an odd smile from me
What's wrong with me?
Does it have to do with my new job or new country?
Or is it just the new people I'm meeting everyday?
Sometimes I feel so alone and cold
Even though I'm surrounded by 4million souls
On this cramped island of which I call home for now

I need something to distract me
Something to put me back on the right path again
To mend the brokenness I feel inside
What is that something I wonder & ponder?
What is the release that shall set me free
Or to cure me of my dilemma, problems and disrepair?
These thoughts shall fill my head time and time again
As I every waking day passes
And every night before I depart to bed
As these private thoughts lull me into my slumber...


*these words were penned when completely sober*