What's wrong with me?

*A write-up of my recent unit trip to Tioman can be read at Tioman unit trip*


What's wrong with me nowadays?
Some days I feel so moody
Some days I feel so cranky
Yet some days I feel totally fine and on top of the world
And it's not just limited to days
It could just be a matter of a few hours

There's a change going on inside of me
Yet I do not know what's going on
I just feel that somehow I'm different
For better or for worse, I must accept
the change going on inside of me
And learn to deal and cope with it
To make me a stronger and better person

Some days I feel that the burden of the world
is on my shoulders
Some days I feel so carefree and uninhibited
When the tide of darkness rolls in
I feel that I'm a more sinister person
Even the nicest of person that cross my path
Can expect to suffer the wrath of my vileness

On nicer days even my most hated ones
Can expect a nice nod and an odd smile from me
What's wrong with me?
Does it have to do with my new job or new country?
Or is it just the new people I'm meeting everyday?
Sometimes I feel so alone and cold
Even though I'm surrounded by 4million souls
On this cramped island of which I call home for now

I need something to distract me
Something to put me back on the right path again
To mend the brokenness I feel inside
What is that something I wonder & ponder?
What is the release that shall set me free
Or to cure me of my dilemma, problems and disrepair?
These thoughts shall fill my head time and time again
As I every waking day passes
And every night before I depart to bed
As these private thoughts lull me into my slumber...


*these words were penned when completely sober*

NOTICE

Companies don't need any physical fitness programs.

Everyone gets enough exercise jumping to conclusions, flying off the handle, running down the boss, knifing friends in the back, dodging responsibility and pushing their luck.

Enjoy your day @ work...

life...

It's funny how life changes when you're working. When you're studying you're exposed more or less to the people who are around your age and that's all good and fine because their wavelength is more or less similar to yours. However when you work, you're exposed to people of all different ages, races, religions and etc. You get the idea. Hence your perspective totally changes and not only that, you probably change too. In that way, whether you want it or not, your maturity level sorts of increase as well. And that sort of sucks because part of you still wants to be young and fool around and not be prim and proper. On the other hand, being working and seeing more 'things' so to speak, you want to explore more 'adult' stuff and maybe/probably/possibly leave a part of your non-working past behind and move onto your new life with your job and your pay and the endless possibilities you can do with it. For some, the feelings may not be as extreme, as they might not have moved to a new place to work as I have, but some similar feelings of that sort might still be present. It is really a mixed feelings of sort and learning how to deal with it and sort it out will eventually help you manage you life more productively and effectively. Oh well can't wait for my first pay to come, then I can start planning how to use it ;)

platonic relationships...

it's funny how people who are considered adult working professional still have a very prudish view of relationships between two people of the opposite sex. in this day and age you would even more so expect people to think that it's perfectly normal for two people of the opp sex to be able to hang out with each other without any other agenda other than being just friends. however this is not the case. like if a guy & a girl were to go out for lunch or dinner or just to hang out to go to the movies or chill out in a cafe or just to go shopping together, people would automatically assume there's something more going on. oh come on, we live in the 21st century where the notion of gender equality and feminism is so much widely accepted in the developed nations that people can just be friends without anything more than that. like if a two people of the same sex were to go out and do those things mentioned together it would perfectly alright yet if two people of the opposite sex were to do the same, a different thought would automatically pop into people's minds. like talk about double standards. i mean what i say may or may not be true but whatever i say now might not make a difference to the world but this is just me putting my 2 cents worth into the issue and hopefully it might be worth more than that, 2 cents that is...

an utter insult...

i've been seconded to l & d (which is another dept which is non-audit related). 3 yrs of training in accountancy and this is what they throw me for my first job. omfg!!! i'm doing admin related stuff which is exactly what i did during my internship. i didn't complete my final year of uni just to do the same thing during my internship. i'm so pent-up i need some release, some 'real' release... i dunno why i'm so worked up about this issue but i just am. i need some real experience not sitting around... argghhhhhhhhhhh

life

life is scary. there are so many variables and unknowns. unlike a math equation where there are only a few variables and unknowns for you to solve, life has like an infinite amount of those. and through these different variables and unknowns which you assume over time, your life can take so many different courses. sadly, or should i say thankfully, there is a constant. death...

maternal instints...

Do all women have some sort of inbuilt maternal instincts or what? Today at training, when asked where do we see ourselves in 5 years time, a few of the females gave responses like having a family or having kids. I mean the reason why the trainer asked such a question was to get an idea of our professional aspirations and goals but somehow the issue of motherhood always crops up. Even my approximately 60 yr old landlady said that she treats me like her own son and I'm like woahh, hold on there my mother is way younger than you are. Go figure...